January 25th

A year ago today, I was nervously waiting for a phone call from my fertility doctor. I had had an egg retrieval procedure on January 20, 2012, with approximately 8 or 9 eggs retrieved. The surviving eggs had been fertilized and allowed to grow into three-day blastocysts. They had then been sent to the lab for chromosomal testing. A day five transfer had been planned, and the doctor was to call me if we didn’t have any viable embryos to transfer – so that I wouldn’t bother to show up at the clinic. The call never came… although, curiously, I barely allowed myself to believe it wasn’t some sort of mistake. Right up until he walked into the exam room, I thought my phone might still ring.

The doctor didn’t exactly look happy, but I knew he had to have good news. I had been praying so hard for two embryos to make it! He told me that they tested two batches together, the one from my second IVF and this, current, third IVF procedure. Then he told me that out of all the embryos tested, there was one normal embryo. I remember saying, “Well, it just takes one, right?” “That’s right,” he confirmed. Then later he would tell me, without my asking, that the normal embryo was embryo #10 and that it was a female embryo.

My husband was instantly thrilled. “We always wanted a girl!” he exclaimed with genuine excitement. I had never imagined myself having a daughter… but suddenly, it felt very real. All I wanted was for our one miracle embryo to take hold.

I remember how scared I was that something would go wrong during the transfer and they’d drop my invisible miracle on the floor or that something else would happen to prevent her from implanting. I remember Clair de Lune playing during the moment of transfer. I remember eating pineapple for five days straight afterwards because I read that it helped implantation. I remember my husband thinking the transfer automatically meant pregnancy. (He would tell anyone and everyone “my wife is pregnant” and at first, I thought he was just being supportive!)

I remember those horrible, cheap pregnancy test strips from China that – day after day – cruelly failed to pick up any HCG. I remember sobbing uncontrollably the day before my follow-up appointment because all the tests kept coming up negative… and I knew in my heart, I wasn’t ready to face the alternative choices that would have been before me.

I also remember the evening before my blood work, February 1, 2012, at approximately 7 pm, when I made the fateful decision to use the “expensive” pregnancy test… that gave me the result that would change my life forever. Pregnant. Two strong pink lines. My eyes still fill with tears whenever I think about it (even now, as my three month old daughter lies next to me, babbling at her toys). I remember jumping up and down with joy. I remember the doctor calling me to confirm the blood test results and telling me that I was very pregnant – whatever that meant – I was ecstatic to hear it!

This day will always be special to me, and I’ve decided I will celebrate every year by listening to Clair de Lune by Debussy and just taking a moment to remember. I’ve had a couple of big miracles in my life and their anniversaries are sealed in my heart.

Dreams do come true. Miracles do happen. What is impossible now, may very well become possible in just a split second. Things worth remembering.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Daryl
    Jan 27, 2013 @ 08:38:40

    Celebrating this miracle right along with you!

    Reply

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