Holiday, etc.

As one of life’s little ironies… when there’s a lot going on in your life, there’s even less time to blog. I blog in my mind all the time, but I suppose that doesn’t really count.

I have so many things I want to document. Had I written an entry yesterday, it would have been how my kindly in-laws still manage to say things that annoy me… although, they really shouldn’t annoy me. I feel like I have everything! I don’t, of course. But it feels like I do.

Today, I want to write something I’ve been thinking about a lot – particularly when I am nursing Samantha. And that is the simple fact that I love that she needs me. I love that my body provides the exact formula (for lack of a better term) of breast milk that she needs and craves. In fact, I love tending to her every need, from hunger to a dirty diaper. There, I said it and I don’t care who knows! I was born to be a mom and it feels sooooo good.

I’m trying to just soak up all the beautiful moments with my little one because I know that in the far-too-near future (I’m pretty sure that’s an oxymoron) she won’t need me quite as much… and then step-by-baby-step, there’ll come a day when she won’t need me at all.

I don’t know if I can adequately brace myself for that day. I’m not one of those mothers who doesn’t want her child to grow up. I do. I definitely do. In fact, I see it as my job to guide her and provide her with a solid foundation… but the ultimate goal is to arm her with the confidence and independence she’ll need to forge her own way in this world. Still, I’m a mom, and I’m okay with admitting that I love that she depends on me for now. I get so much pure joy out of taking care of her.

I love her little baby hands when she sleeps. Often, they’re frozen in some delicate airborne position. I don’t know how she holds them up in her sleep, but she does. I love the delicious yet fleeting expressions that dance across her face if only for a moment….

{okay, so that post got interrupted two days ago, and in between was Christmas!}

Oh, boy. Never enough time. Sammy is currently asleep in her grandma’s arms. I’m glad she’s only visiting for the week, otherwise I don’t think I’d ever get to hold my child again! There are so many little things I’m trying to overlook about the in-laws staying with us over the holidays. I keep saying to myself that I’m doing this all for my husband. And, I am! Little things like, they expect me to make food for them and entertain them… little things like me specifically saying that I don’t want Samantha watching t.v. and my mother-in-law saying, “Oh, she doesn’t know what she’s looking at!” (SO NOT THE POINT!) … little thing like putting on her cloth diaper completely wrong, so that the plastic prongs are digging into her thigh and making her cry! I’m trying to let it all go.

I miss Samantha so much right now even though she’s just in the other room. And, I guess, it’s nice to have a few minutes to myself, but I’d prefer if she were here, sleeping next to me.

Samantha’s first Christmas was magical — at least, for the rest of the family if not for her. She is adorable and even more so in the Santa dress we put her in! She’s smiling and cooing and bringing out the very best in every member of this family. It is impossible to put into words how much I love her and how much she means to me.

{okay, gotta go and check on my seitan pot pie and run Samantha’s bath!}

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Daryl
    Dec 26, 2012 @ 20:33:55

    Aw, I love this. I am so looking forward to those very same moments.

    Reply

  2. msfertility
    Dec 28, 2012 @ 13:07:07

    I am sure you will have them… and many more!

    Reply

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