My kingdom for… SLEEP!

I was going to start this entry by writing, “I’m a bad blogger, but a good mom,” and then, right on cue, Samantha started screaming that inconsolable wail that infants produce when there’s nothing really wrong, but they’re tired and frustrated and have no idea what they really want. It’s exhausting… even more so than usual because I really haven’t slept much at all at night. My husband, who has a day off today is napping, after a full evening of sleep. Yep, I said NAPPING! I am in turns jealous and really pissed off. Why does everyone but me get to sleep?!

Times like these, I can feel the frustration welling up into tears. There are moments when my complete exhaustion feels too heavy a burden to bear. I hate letting her “cry it out” but sometimes I need to take a five to ten minute break. I am not a machine. Yet, I’m pretty much the only one there to console her when she gets super-fussy. My husband’s patience as a father hasn’t developed yet and he doesn’t like holding her when she screams (yeah, and I just love it, right?) Ok. I’m going to check on her now and see if I ever get back to finishing this post.

Oooh… I delayed by less than a minute, and judging by the monitor, the screaming has stopped! Oh, blessed miracle! I’ve achieved the elusive “crying herself to sleep” win! Here’s the dilemma. If I were smart (and a little less wound up at the moment) I would scurry under the covers myself and try that whole “sleep when the baby sleeps” golden standard of new parenthood… but that would mean that my somewhat lengthy list of things to do today (which include paying bills, sending out thank you notes, dying my badly-in-need-of-dying hair, and starting on sending out the birth announcements) would all have to be postponed to yet another probably unproductive day.

What the hell. I’m going to leave my freshly brewed cup of afternoon coffee (decaf) and my trusty laptop and give this whole sleep thing another shot. I need it sooooo badly today.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Daryl
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 23:22:35

    Oh, honey. Get some sleep! I know it probably seems like you have a never ending to-do list, but none of it’s gonna get done (or done well) if you’re a zombie!

    Reply

  2. Laura
    Dec 10, 2012 @ 06:53:00

    I know sometimes their screaming is overwhelming and I know exactly how you feel when you say it feels like everyone but you gets to sleep and it is so incredibly frustrating but just remember that everyone understands when thank you cards take a while and birth announcements arrive months later…this is the most emotionally trying part of motherhood because you are tired, your hormones are out of control and everything is new and overwhelming. I felt EXACTLY how you are describing things and it was the hardest most rewarding part of my life so far. When you look back you’ll wish you didn’t stress over the things that needed to get done. I wish I hadn’t. The house can be a mess and it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you enjoy those little moments with that beautiful little girl and get some rest. xoxo

    Reply

    • msfertility
      Dec 10, 2012 @ 13:39:22

      It is incredibly rewarding, and I even find myself holding on to her for far longer than I need to when she falls asleep in my arms because those moments are so indescribably sweet! The other day, I got 8 hours of sleep — not all at once, mind you — but it was wonderful nevertheless. I really want to soak up as much of this as I can right now… she’s already growing up so fast!

      Reply

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