Lonely days of pregnancy

Pregnancy can be extremely lonely at times. At least, that’s how it feels today. I woke up at noon (and only because my husband told me the time did I actually make the effort to wake up, even though he told me to try to sleep some more). It felt like I could have stayed in bed and slept all day. Given the insomnia I’ve had during my pregnancy, this is beyond rare.

I knew as soon as I got up that I just didn’t feel right. My brain was foggy and my balance was off. I felt like I could tip over at any moment and I kept miscalculating doorways, so that as I walked through one, my shoulder would hit the door frame. Very clumsy.

It soon became clear to me that I was also feeling blue. My husband said I’d been very emotional these last few days. Maybe that’s true, I really don’t have a reliable way to gauge that anymore. But I knew I felt weepy and sad today – without any real life reason for feeling that way.

I have a very cushy part-time work situation where I work for a friend, from home, usually with lax deadlines for projects. But today, I got two text messages at 7:20 am (!) asking me to complete assignments – and another two now as I’m writing this post. While it’s not unreasonable, it feels like a TON of pressure right now – and I know I’m in no shape to work on anything that requires me to focus or have any sort of mental agility.

I’m fried. I’m sad. I’m sleepy and slightly anxious. Nearly anything I watch on t.v. or read online makes me either irritable or so emotional that I burst into tears. I’m supposed to do things. Return calls, write thank you notes for baby shower gifts, work on things around the house, work on projects for my friend. But I think I could quite comfortably sit here, stare out the window in a geriatric haze, and drool onto my sundress for hours.

These are the days of pregnancy that nobody talks about. Why would they? It’s not fun or glamorous, or even tragic in any way that’s interesting, but even in this fog, I do believe that they are normal and that I’m not the only one going through it. A part of me wants to pick up the phone and dial a friend’s number, but I have no idea what I would say – or what I’d want them to say to me. So, I sit here, getting nothing done but feeling the pressure to do something without any energy required to do it. I don’t even have a clever way to end this post.

Advertisements

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Daryl
    Aug 14, 2012 @ 20:53:04

    I’m sorry you’re having a crummy day. Hormones can do weird shit to you. Although, I have days like that all the time, and I’m nowhere near pregnant. I hope tomorrow’s better!

    Reply

    • msfertility
      Aug 16, 2012 @ 10:46:15

      Thank you. The thing that’s worse about feeling like that when pregnant is the guilt! There’s this nagging feeling of “I shouldn’t feel this way!” that makes it all worse.

      Reply

  2. dopingforbaby
    Aug 14, 2012 @ 23:50:42

    Just go with the feelings. Doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Just means your body is tired and your hormones are out of whack. You also have a MAJOR life change coming in a few weeks. That sounds like reason enough to make you a little anxious and stressed and emotional. Hang in there.

    Reply

    • msfertility
      Aug 16, 2012 @ 10:47:35

      I know, it all makes sense rationally…. It’s probably best for me to not over-think it when those moods strike and to just ride it out, knowing it’ll only last a day or two at most.

      Reply

  3. Laura
    Aug 15, 2012 @ 08:59:09

    I had days like that. I approached it as just a tired sad day and before I did anything else would curl up and watch a funny show or read a book before I attempted anything else. Hope your feeling better today!

    How was the baby shower??? Would love to hear how it went!

    Reply

    • msfertility
      Aug 16, 2012 @ 10:49:52

      Thanks, Laura. Definitely feeling much better today! The baby shower was pretty good – no major meltdowns (other than the sheer coincidence of hosting it on the hottest day of the Summer!) I intend to write a post about it (let’s see if I actually get to it – lol) but thanks for asking! 🙂

      Reply

  4. msfertility
    Aug 19, 2012 @ 00:30:58

    Laura, do my comments on your blog ever make it through? I feel like they don’t somehow!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: