Baby Overload

Everything in my life has become about babies… and, naturally, mine in particular. It’s as tough now to concentrate on anything else as it was when I was battling infertility… or for that matter, planning my wedding. There are certain monumental happenings in life that eclipse everything else. And even if I do manage to forget that I’m pregnant for a few minutes (say those rare occasions when I’m focused on work) the baby will move in some kind of dramatic way that reminds me she’s there!

Until last week, her movements consisted largely of kicks & jabs, which (oddly?) I liked! I guess she’s getting a little too big for that now and there isn’t as much room for her to move, so when she does move now, it feels like a major bodily adjustment. (Oh, great, and just to prove me wrong, she just sharply jabbed my bladder! Thanks for that, Cheeks!)

I have a confession to make. I don’t like the way these new movements feel. It feels beyond weird. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad she’s moving and I like to know she’s okay in there… but the actual feeling of her moving gives me the heebie-jeebies! I felt really guilty about this a few days ago and did the whole “I’m a bad mom” thing to myself, but have now decided that it is what it is and I have to be honest about it. I’m sure I can’t be alone!

We’ve been to so many baby classes and meetings lately that, at times, it’s too much even for me. I already know it’s too much for my husband. Last Saturday, we were at a 4-hr “Preparing for Baby” class, and the instructor showed us (13 couples) a video of an actual birth. I’ve You-Tubed plenty of these, but needless to say, hubby doesn’t show my same interest, so this was a great intro for him! There was a pasty, red-headed woman giving birth on the video and she had massive stretch marks (which hubby also has never seen) and I think the whole experience was fairly traumatizing for him. I thought it was funny! (The fact that he was weirded out, not the birth, mind you.) Oh, lest I forget, the coolest thing about this class was when they had the women lay down on the floor, supported by pillows, and taught the guys how to do this super relaxing massage… and then instructed the guys to provide us with that massage every night. Score!

A couple of days before that, we’d gone to a 3-hr  “Infant CPR and Safety” class, which was pretty good (and alarming in the sense that it made you actually think about all the things that could go wrong or that an infant can choke on). Scary! They made us input into our mobile calendars a date 30 days out to practice and insisted that the techniques must become second nature to us, otherwise we’ll forget them when the panic of a real emergency sets in. I found that hard to believe since we must have repeated the moves at least 50 times during the class. But, lo and behold, yesterday when I was talking about it with the hubby, we totally disagreed on whether you breathe first or push first. It’s already slipped our minds in less than a week! There’s just SO much to get done. My “To-Do” list feels like quicksand at the moment.

The night before that class, we’d gone to a “Pregnancy Social” (which isn’t very aptly named) at a local maternity shop. It would properly have been called a “Meet the Doulas” event – which is fine because that’s why we were really there.

Having decided on a hospital birth (because our doctor is so fabulous and the hospital is so progressive that they agreed to 90+% of my birth plan without hesitation) I’ve opted for hiring a doula – both to help me through labor and to keep the doctor & nurses to their promises. This sounds so much easier than it actually is. You have to interview lots of people… and that’s so exhausting, plus, sometimes people are very nice and sweet, but you just know they’re not right for you somehow. The doula I’d liked most on the phone ended up being way too hippie for us once she started talking at the meeting. The deal-killer was when she used the phrase “holding the space” – which is an automatic red-flag for me & the hubby. (Long story. Bottom line, we don’t deal well with people who use excessive hippie-speak.) I would’ve been heartbroken, except that she was also the most expensive out of the bunch, and I am nothing if not thrifty!

We settled on my second favorite doula (who has now moved to the #1 position). She struck me as having the right balance of new-age and down-to-earth. Plus, she comes with over ten years of experience (and three children of her own) which certainly inspires confidence. Coincidentally, she was the second most-expensive on the list, which proves that I’m thrifty but not dogmatically so.

On a different note… I was uploading pictures of my bump and the latest ultrasound pics to my computer today and looked through the baby pics I have so far… and was completely amazed. Those of us who grow our babies in a lab first have the unique privilege of getting to see our children at a cellular level. So, I can look at blastocyst #10 and know, “That’s her!” I have documented her progression from blastocyst, to gestational sac, to little bean with flickering heartbeat, to full-grown embryo, to fetus… to a baby with recognizable features.  My heart grows so big! I cannot wait to meet Cheeks in person. Will she be fascinated by how well her little life has been documented? Will she ever know how much we wanted her and fought for her? Will she know how much we loved her right from the start?

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Daryl
    Aug 02, 2012 @ 16:11:35

    “Cheeks”! I love the new nickname. Sounds like you guys have been super busy, but I’m glad you’ve settled some important stuff, like the doula. As for the weird movement, it does sound a little alien, so I can’t blame you for being freaked out by it. Having never felt that myself, I can’t exactly judge–not that I would anyway!


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