2011 can suck it!

I am beyond thrilled to be able to say goodbye to 2011 – a year that seriously kicked my ass was extremely challenging!

It’s quite possible that when sufficient time has passed, I’ll look back on this year as a time when valuable life lessons were learned and important character traits solidified. I feel like this year has been a trial by fire in nearly every area of my life – with the blissful exception of my marriage – thank goodness! (At least one thing must go well, am I right?!)

So, in addition to the other 1001 things going on in my life, I just got laid off from my job yesterday. Aside from the worry about delving into (and depleting) our savings once again… I am not so secretly quite excited about the sheer possibilities that present themselves! It really feels like this is the end of a very bad era and that I’m turning a page in the grand book of life. 2012 is a blank canvas on which destiny and I can paint a beautiful landscape of my hopefully brilliant future.

My goal is to totally devote myself to my health for a minimum of 30 days and perhaps even adopt a few of my new healthy practices as a permanent part of my life. I plan on doing all sorts of wonderful things that I always wanted to do – things I read in magazines and saw on Oprah – but never had the time for due to my ridiculous work schedule. I want to meditate for at least an hour every day and exercise for an hour every day. The catch is that the exercise must be something I genuinely enjoy doing while I’m doing it. (Make no mistake, that is a tall order!)

I want to go for mindful walks in my neighborhood where I just notice things… everything, really. I want to walk and take in the smell of fresh-cut lawns; spy squirrels dashing up trees; marvel in the beauty and variety of flowers along my way; listen to the wind rustling through the trees. I want to practice being alive again.

I have also made a promise to myself to completely eliminate added sugars and to cut out all caffeine & alcohol. I know that a lot of women who are TTC have already done this – particularly those who, like me, have PCOS – but that’s not the way I’ve been carrying on for the past several months. In fact, since I started IVF, I’ve been engaging in the unhealthiest behavior – perhaps as a rebellion? Or even – gasp – self-sabotage? No, I don’t think that’s it. In truth, I suspect that my unhealthy behavior has increased only because I do turn to food (and alcohol) for comfort. And, my need to be comforted has never been greater than in the last 6 months.

But I just can’t do that anymore. Taking Metformin twice daily is not a license to eat more sugar! Nor is having a jack-ass for a supervisor (won’t have that excuse now!) Nor is it a justifiable reward for poking myself with all kinds of unpleasant needles. It just won’t do!

IVF #3 is really the last one I can afford. (Okay, I can probably afford an FET cycle after this, but that is the limit!) And, I want to really take as much responsibility for this one as possible. It’s easy to leave it all up to the RE and the meds, but I do have a role in this and it’s high time I played the part of patient-who-does-everything-she-can-to-make-it-work!

I go back to the Doctor on January 6th (which, incidentally, is Armenian Christmas) to discuss the new protocol and whether or not I’ll participate in the FDA trial (thereby foregoing PGD and earning $4,000). I’ll get my new calendar, start planning when I think the baby’s due date will be, and contemplating the potentiality of raising twins.

It’s scary and exhilarating at the same time. The one thing I do know for sure is that I am ready!

Wishing you all a wonderful 2012 and the fulfillment of your deepest dreams!

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. soonafamily
    Dec 31, 2011 @ 15:19:41

    Good luck with all your new year’s ambitions. Now I want to take meditative walks through your neighborhood. It sounds delightful! (My neighborhood, not so much.) By the way, how does one get in on the FDA trial thing?


    • msfertility
      Dec 31, 2011 @ 15:47:24

      Hahaha! You are most welcome to join me on my meditative walks! (And thanks for the good wishes, too!) I don’t have a lot of information about the FDA trial. I just know that my clinic HRC {Huntington Reproductive Center} is participating. And the basic premise is that there’s a doctor who believes that he can accurately predict which embryos are healthy by observing & monitoring how well and how quickly cell division occurs. As subjects of this experiment, we can’t use PGD since that’s what his method – if successful – would replace. I haven’t even attempted to Google this… I wonder if I should?


  2. Bachelor's Button
    Jan 03, 2012 @ 12:42:21

    Have been reading back through your blog. I took a month of before my last round of IVF and focused on walks and good eating (loads a protein) and just relaxing.. It could be pure coincidence, but I reckon it had something to do with more embryos and (an albeit) rocky pregnancy to date…. Good luck in 2012 and hoping you get there this time.


    • msfertility
      Jan 03, 2012 @ 13:03:05

      Thank you! I really appreciate the encouragement and am especially delighted to hear that it seemed to have worked for you. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a rocky pregnancy so far, but hopefully, everything’s going well now? I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you and send you all kinds of warm & fuzzy vibes for a peaceful and healthy pregnancy!


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