Intro… or My Very First Post

Infertility can be such a lonely, heart-breaking and maddening journey. One of the worst parts of it has been the feeling of unique tragedy (as in “I’m the only one going through this!”) that, until recently, I couldn’t shake. Reading other women’s blogs and watching the recent Redbook video campaign “The Truth About Trying” have made me feel less alone, and as a result, more… alive.

I decided I needed to blog about this journey. For months (years?) I’ve been debating whether to journal the roller-coaster of infertility or to just let it fade like a like an old movie. I think the debate is now over! Mainly, I’m doing this for me – as an outlet – but I am also comforted by the idea that just maybe, at some point in the future when this is all hopefully behind me, someone else can experience solace in my words and feel just a little less alone in her journey, too.

So, why have I decided to call my blog “Are you kidding me?!” 

It was such a natural choice. I must have uttered this thousands of times and with varying degrees of incredulity, anger, shock, happiness, surprise, disgust…. I could go on and on.

Are you kidding me?! I got pregnant the very first time I had properly timed intercourse?!

Are you kidding me?! The ultrasound  isn’t picking up a heartbeat?!

Are you kidding me?! I’m giving a eulogy at my uncle’s funeral with a dead baby inside me?!

Are you kidding me?! The clinic can’t see me for another week – but I’m miscarrying NOW?!

Are you kidding me?! My mom says I lost the baby because my husband doesn’t really want kids?!

Are you kidding me?! I obviously know more about fertility science than nearly all the doctors I’ve seen?!

Are you kidding me?! The neighbor’s friend is pregnant with twin girls she conceived while coked out with her drug-dealer boyfriend?!

Are you kidding me?! The first RE incorrectly diagnoses me as perimenopausal by email — and I find out while my in-laws are visiting?!

Are you kidding me?! IVF treatments cost how much?!?!

Are you kidding me?! Of the 17 eggs retrieved and the 12 that fertilized – ALL tested abnormal after PGD?!

Are you kidding me?! IVF #2 is also a canceled cycle with no ET?! (I don’t see them “cancelling” my payment!)

You get the picture. And I’m sure we can all add our own “Are you kidding me’s” to that list.

It’s amazing what we go through to achieve this dream. So far, I have learned, I am braver and stronger than I ever thought. This journey has opened my mind, my heart, and my very soul to things I never even imagined.

My love and unlimited compassion-  as well as my admiration – go to each and every one of you out there struggling and finding your way through this kaleidoscopically emotional journey.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Miela
    Oct 29, 2011 @ 14:10:39

    Hi, I love your attitude. I hope you will not be on this emotional rollercoaster for too long.

    Reply

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